Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
