oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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