i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
