yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
