I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've blown a few things in my day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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