wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize