Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
