i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
