he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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