The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
