return my video game
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
