i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize