i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
