Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i now understand why vodka
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