I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
