I'm really into asian looking animals
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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