Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
