Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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