so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
