i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
