Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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