Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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