you didnt know i had herpes?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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