U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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