Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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