Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
