It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
