She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
