I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
