You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
