Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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