I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The air was thick with penises
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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