My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
