ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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