His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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