I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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