I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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