I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Semen is not good for contacts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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