I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
