so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
