am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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