if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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