I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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