Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize