Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i will never coherently bang her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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