Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
