Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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