Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
