I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
