You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
