I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
