If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
