I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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