I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
