Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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