This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
only you would photoshop your dick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
