very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i will never coherently bang her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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