i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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