You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize