She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
