we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
