I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
